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Animal Kingdom

A Three Hour Tour

Literary lore has it that Dr. Dolittle talked to the animals. But if Disney had talked to its guests maybe it wouldn't have opted to "do little" to improve Walt Disney World's fourth gate while attendance took to quicksand.

Approaching the Animal Kingdom parking lot the problems start becoming evident. Visible above the area's lush green landscape is the freezer-burned broccoli floret top of the Tree of Life. As a sculpture, it's breathtaking. But to see its sickly pale hues protruding from the distance above the vibrant Florida greenery it's a leafy testament to the park's phoniness. Folks expecting an animal park to serve as a living, breathing respite from Central Florida's other audioanimatronic-intensive havens realize that they have been duped even before they're sent snaking through the asphalt.

Once inside, it only gets worse. A pair of hilly indistinguishable paths lead you to the park's hub. The thick foliage accompanied by unremarkable animal displays would be forgettable if only for one lingering distinction: it may be the last good piece of natural shade that you will be subjected to as you navigate your way through the exposed park. 

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